Our professor had been living up to his reputation of giving exams that ranged from impossible to “you’ve-got-to-be-kidding.” Then one day, as he handed out an important test, he announced, “This is by far the easiest test I have given in my 16 years of teaching. If you have expended any effort whatsoever studying, you are guaranteed at least to pass.”

Any comfort I took from his words was erased when a voice from the back of the room piped up, “That’s what you said last year.”

“The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” (Paul Coelho)

The trouble …

With a budget is that it’s hard to fill up one hole without digging another.

With being a good sport is that you have to lose in order to prove it.

With fringe benefits is that a person doesn’t know whether or not they’ve gotten a raise until they get sick or retire.

“Two things are bad for the heart: 1) running upstairs; 2) running down people.” (Bernard Baruch)

The sermon topic was “Loving the Unlovable,” and our minister discussed ways to show Christian concerns for unpleasant acquaintances. Immediately after the service, a woman I have known for years — but not on a close, personal basis — approached me and invited me home for dinner.

“Many committees are designed by people who have no intention of accomplishing anything.” (Wayne Keller)

Temptations I can’t resist:

To stick my finger into coin-return slots in pay telephones to see if, by chance, someone left a quarter there — which so far hasn’t happened.

To write something on a steamy mirror.

To feel house plants to find out whether they’re real or not.

To chuck babies under the chin.

To yank on a knot with the forlorn hope that it will thereby come unknotted.

To find something else to spray-paint if the can isn’t empty.

“If a church needs a better pastor, it need only pray for the one it has.” (Pastor Paul Lintern)

When a friend whom we had considered a confirmed bachelor finally got married, at 60, we asked why he had waited so long. “Well,” he explained, “if she turns out to be a nag, I won’t have to live with her very long. But if she turns out to be a kind and understanding companion, she was well worth waiting for.”

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