A priest decides one mid-week day to visit one of his elderly parishioners, Mrs. Smith. He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears.

“Good Day Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how you are doing.”

The woman says, “Oh just fine Father, come on in and we’ll have some tea.”

While sitting at the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. “Mind if I have one?” the priest asks.

“Not at all, have as many as you like.”

After a few hours the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visiting, says to Mrs. Smith, “Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh dear, I’ve eaten all your almonds. I’ll have to replace them next time I visit.”

To which Mrs. Smith replied, “Oh don’t bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it’s all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them.”

“Half of everything you learn in college is a complete waste of time. But you will never know which half.” (Thomas Frey)

What do the following phrases have in common?

Nate bit a Tibetan.

Bursitis rub.

Salt an atlas.

Niagara, O roar again!

Not so, Boston.

There are all palindromes — phrases that read the same forward and backward.

A few others…

Dumb mud.

Harass Sarah.

Marge, let’s telegram.

Mega gem.

Best time of the day to take a test: 10 a.m. (No wonder my third-period classes were always near the top.)

There are more people with the surname Chang in China than there are people in Germany.

Federal law requires that all U.S. automobile taillights be the same shade of red.

The town of Carter Lake, Iowa, is legally within the city limits of Omaha, Nebraska.

Henry VI was crowned king of England before the age of one. (I wonder who changed his diapers?)

Speaking of diapers … Other names considered for the Pampers brand were Tads, Winks, and Dri-wees.

Are you to ready to escape to warmer weather and sandy beaches? Here is the sand castle recipe: For best results, use about 8 parts sand to 1 part water.

Do you know what president Grover Cleveland’s middle name was? How about “Grover?” His real first name was Stephen.

The average novel sells 2,000 copies. (Hey, they can’t all be “Harry Potter.”)

The first Greek student society was Phi Beta Kappa (College of William and Mary, 1776).

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