I have a new Murphy’s Law, but it might not be new to some Napoleon residents. Our trash pickup is on Wednesday, but the time varies from about 7:30 up until about noon. Where Murphy’s Law comes into play is that anytime I sleep in and take the garbage out around 8 a.m., the truck is just leaving our street and I have missed it. However, sometimes I try to win this game by taking the trash out the night before. When I do this, I find the bag ripped by some animal and I have to pick up the remnants and rebag everything. Sometimes, I outsmart everyone and take the trash out around 6:30 in the morning and this guarantees that the bag won’t be picked up until late that morning.

I got a slightly different form of this joke in my summer edition of “The Joyful Noiseletter,” and I wanted to share it with you today.

An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations. He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long, passionate presentation by the atheist’s lawyer, the judge banged his gavel and declared, “Case dismissed!”

The lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling, “Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah. Yet, my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!”

The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, “Obviously, your client is too confused to know about, much less celebrate, his own atheist holiday!”

The lawyer pompously said, “Your honor, we are unaware of any such holiday for atheists. Just when might that holiday be?”

The judge replied, “Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date. Psalm 14:1 states, ‘The fool says in his heart, there is no God.’ Thus, if your client says there is no God then, according to the Bible, he is a fool. April Fool’s Day is his holiday. Now, get out of my courtroom!”

From a recent Woman’s Day Magazine, I found a few more de-cluttering tips that I will share today.

The first is sorting through papers and the first step is to toss and junk mail, old receipts and catalogs. Next is to RVSP to a party invitation right away and put the details on your calendar. Third thing is to hand off a bill or magazine addressed to your partner. Finally, file away important things like warranty paperwork for a new appliance. There, doesn’t that counter top look better now?

How many old eyeglasses do you have sitting around in drawers in your house? Millions of people around the world live with some form of vision impairment. Lions Clubs will take your readers, prescription frames and sunglasses and work with various groups to give them to those who need them. Our Napoleon club has boxes around town where you can deposit those glasses, including a drop slot in the recycling building in the canal basin. Or you can contact a Lion and he or she will take care of your unwanted spectacles.

“The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.” (Thomas Paine)

“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.” (Unknown)

Email comments to geno34@embarqmail.com.

I started at the Northwest Signal in 1994 and became editor in 2004. I graduated from Bowling Green State University in 1994.

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